well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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