I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
