Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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