So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
