Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
