why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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