Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
