I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
