I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
