i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
