Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
