he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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