I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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