don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
