two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
