How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
