Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
COCAINE IS GR8
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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