I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
