Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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