You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
