My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
