i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
smell my finger.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
