If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
