Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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