Dual....:-)
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
