Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your dad touched me again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
