I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
