Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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