Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
