READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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