Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
