What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
