idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
