batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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