you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
