I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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