My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
