i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
