I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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