I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
