Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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