I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
