hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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