And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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