Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
