Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
