Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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