I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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