seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
