so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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